Practicum Placement Pitfall

I did a thing my first video ! Watch video here and to see how I overcame my practicum placement pitfall.

The Great Pretender

Grief is pretending all the time. Grief makes everyone and everything sound like the Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Womp, womp, womp.”

Do you want to go to the family reunion? “Womp, womp, womp. “

Out to eat?

“Womp, womp, womp “

 It’s hard to concentrate, understand things. Grief makes life difficult. I’m three years out from my son’s death and 14 years from his life changing accident, and it has changed me.  Our society doesn’t hold space for grievers. Grief makes others feel uncomfortable. It seems they want you to hurry up and be done with it already. So, we pretend.

I pretend a lot. I pretend I care about graduations, proms, and other rites of passages that my son won’t be able to enjoy.

I want to shout, “I don’t care!” Because how can I?  How can I care about those things, when he is not here, and I am?

Grief makes you numb. It’s harder to feel excitement or joy because you know that all good things eventually, will come to an end.

What is normal when you have grief?

Nothing is.

I don’t think grievers should have to pretend. We should be allowed to voice our sadness, discomfort, and pain. Sometimes we will and can attend a family function but sometimes we need respite of the constant reminders that we are different, and we will never be the same.

That’s why it’s important to have safe places to voice your grief. To feel freely, your happiness and sorrow, without judgement.

I done with pretending, I am grieving .

How have you saved space for your grief ?

The 40-year-old Grad Student

---

At the age of 39, I enrolled into a master’s counseling program. Going back to school can be daunting at any age but changing careers at my age, is teetering on mid- life crisis vibes. Plus, it was a long journey to complete my bachelor’s. I mean long. I started after high school like most people, but there were constant delays along the way (marriage, divorce, death). This is not uncommon approximately 1 in 3 students attending four-year colleges in the United States leaves college prematurely without obtaining a degree. Obtaining my degree was a personal goal of mines and as a first-generation college student I was determine to finish.

            I have always been a non-traditional student. I started taking courses at a community college after I got married at the age 19. Even though, I may have looked like an average college student, I was a “wife”.  But surprisingly, this was the closest I got to a real college experience. I attended classes during the day, I was far away from home (spouse was in military), and lived in a two bedroom apartment on base. Despite being married young, I was determined to get my degree and be successful. However, when that relationship ended tumultuously, so did my first try at college.

  I was determined to go back. I had drunk the Kool-aide and believed that a degree can led to better jobs, better income, and better life. According to the U.S. Department of Education, the median income for high school graduates is $31,800, compared to $50,000 for college graduates and $64,000 for those with graduate degrees. Ultimately, I would finally earn my degree after 20 years. It was difficult. I was a single mother of two, which included a child with complex medical needs.  Finishing my degree gave me hope that I could accomplish my goal and change my life.

  I finally made good on a promise I made to myself at nineteen. Although I was happy, it was anticlimactic. I had held on to the belief that this piece of paper would change my life. It didn’t. While I was contemplating going to get a MBA, my son died. This change what I wanted and needed to do. If I was going to go back, I wanted to do something to help others. During my son’s life, I was helped by mental health professionals. I attended support groups and individual counseling to help me process my emotions and feelings. It made sense for me to start this journey. I want to help others the way they had help me.

There is a story behind everybody’s journey. This is mines. Hopefully, I am done with school but who knows? What has your journey been like?  Comment below.